Filed under: CHAFF
I was in our hotel room in Colorado yesterday and I was following my usual getting dressed routine, socks before shoes, wondering if I could get away with crotchless chaps etc when I found myself inexplicable drawn to The Tyra Banks brigade.
Miss Banks is an incredibly patronizing, ridiculous and annoying person who can often loose herself up her own bottom… but she entertains.
She proclaims that she helped women re discover their inner fierceness with the self assured arrogance of one who firmly believes America’s Top Model sends out positive messages about female friendship and body image…. (love the show, makes you feel ugly.) Saying that I guess I can see how she is a positive role model for young girls, after all she is a hugely successful and clever businesswomen who has made trillions (maybe) out of ANTM and as a brand she might one day take over Oprah or the Beckham Legacy.
HOWEVER this particular episode seemed to eradicate all of those minor benefits of her presence on Earth and made me feel as ill as the first time I reflected on what the “Sex and The City” film proclaimed about women.
She had four self-help guru’s plugging their various books on the show, each boasting about how they could help any destitute and lonely women ensnare themselves a man! It was simple; all they had to do was change or adapt themselves to fit in with a mans ideal following the example of Sandy at the end of Grease.
The first Guru was a male who talked about important issues such as why sleeping with a man on the first date is stupid and makes you a huge slut who no one will ever commit too (cue the studio audience all cheering, they hate those slags) and why trying to hug a man after sex is just unthinkable.
Luckily a rival Guru leapt in proclaiming her book taught women how to con a man into staying the night, the trick was to have a duvet with a 400 thread count which smells of vanilla…. if you are wondering why no man will date you then maybe it’s because you have a blanket with a 399 threat count which smells of strawberries. Men are more likely to stay/hug/ and inseminate you if you follow this advice, because after all ladies isn’t that what we all really want?
I don’t know much about biology but I do get that men and women are different, their outlooks and viewpoints, social interaction and anatomy can differ, however why did Tyra and her guests assume that all men and women (although different from each other) were essentially the same e.g women are clingy, too obviously desperate and massive ho’s and men just hate intimacy in all forms as well as talking about anything more serious then beer or how they get your name on a grain of rice. (Actually that is a serious talking point).
TYRA DID NOTHING; SHE JUST SAT THERE LAUGHING NOT PROMOTING INNER FIERCENESS.
One of the Guru’s had worked out exactly what it was that men liked or disliked in women by doing a survey for her book. I assume she canvassed her Hollywood neighborhood asking “Personality? Yes or no?” She was smug to the fact she was manipulating insecure readers to take her advice and completely alter themselves to fit in with the idealized image the men she asked (who were probably all as vacuous as her) had created. I think she expected some kind of gratitude.
She informed the single ladies present that men’s favorite scent is something fruity (the men she asked count for the whole population) and their favorite body part is the décolletage (above the boobs and below the neck.) The quick survey I did in the van yesterday tells me this is a lie. Men like vaginas.
But this is beside the point, where was the Guru advising men on how to get a woman to commit to them? Telling all males what clothes and scents and topics of conversations women preferred (if your interested the answers are naked, man smell and me.) Where was the advice on dinner party conversation topics (Guru 2 suggested making a short list before you go on the date, just in case your brain collapses.) I learnt that men hate false nails, but where was the counter argument that women hate men who stuff socks down their pants?
All the female guru’s stating how they use to be single before they wrote their books did not inspire me. They probably went out in their camouflage gear with poison darts and nets, paralyzing and doping up men outside of clubs having cigarette breaks. The only ray of hope in the sky of despair was when a Guru stated that women have to look hot AT ALL TIMES because men never cross the room for “a brain.” The other Guru interjected that they would cross it for “confidence.” Which is ironic considering that’s all the books seemed to zap away….
Can I just reinstate I know nothing about feminism, or men in general so this is just a meager rant which somewhat angered me. It’s completely biased and ill researched. But still…naughty Tyra.
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