Filed under: CHAFF
On my “Super 8” adventure around the West Coast I have seen many bizarre and wonderful sites, (including Eureka, it was like the “Back To The Future Part 2” version of Hill Valley.) The first thing which really struck my eye was the Portland “Zombie” ball which seemed a lovely way to celebrate your coming of age. Although the photo is not great because I was being sneaky, this function room was over spilling with blood spattered gore monsters all having a marvelous time…
I also stopped in Bend in Oregon where I had the nicest cocktail I have ever tasted which had something to do with Gin, Blackberry’s and a sprig of magic. I ventured into a Willy Wonka themed sweet shop which played songs from the film whilst showing it on a loop. I wait for the day where the headlines scream “Willy Wonka Shop Assistant Goes Insane and Punches Group of Tanned Small Women.” I also missed Alek so much that I stared longingly at her douple ganger mannequin in the window for about three hours.
I went to Crater Lake but danced about in snow first. Minutes after this was taken I fell over.
The next day I danced about in the sea for a bit. Minutes after this was taken I was sucked in by the current and had a Bedknobs and Broomsticks style adventure.
I came across this lovely fellow on the way to Napa Valley, I believe his name is Paul Bunyan, and I don’t know what he did, but he has a really big axe and he hung out by the “Trees of Mystery,” near the “Hill of Confusion.” It seems to make a tourist attraction worthy it must have some element of puzzlement to it.
I tried some wines in Napa and due to the fact the wine serving expert man was shutting up for the day I was given a guided tour, AND loads more free wine. I was trying to pay attention as he talked about barrels, and fermenting and oaking the flavour but all I could think was “It’s not even 6 yet, and I am wasted!”
The wine headache and the regret followed, but I felt like I had sophisticated my pallet and was prepared for a evening of….camping.
Hours after this was taken I nearly got eaten by a Coyote.
I am not a massive camping fan, but my traveling companion promised me that this would be a lovely little outing, save money and really get me back to nature, coz apparently it has missed me?
Anyway the area was beautiful and the weather was calming, but I was unfortunately nursing a post tour cold so couldn’t really sleep…. about four in the morning I popped outside to have a wee, because I could not be bothered to walk to the toilets, and I heard a strange noise. I dismissed it, and got back into the tent to lie in a hot feverish daze, but then I heard a growl….
Yes, ladies and gentleman, a growl… not like a dog growl but like a beast from hell deep thundering growl. I awoke my companion to check I was not going insane, and we lay there trembling as the “thing” continued to growl four times more JUST OUTSIDE THE TENT. We had no idea about wildlife native to that area but lying in a pitch black little tent after days of “bear talk” with something you can’t see growling outside your brain immediately leaps to grizzly, wolf or Cerberus. My travelling companion used the car key alarm to make a beepy noise to startle it and I lay there wondering if I was about to get eaten. In all honesty I have never been so scared in my life, and my fight or flight thing kicked in, and all I wanted to do was run… but I was informed that was not sensible so I lay and shook for an hour before I made us ran to the car and sleep there the rest of the night.
In the morning the Park Ranger said it was probably a Coyote.
I had obviously disturbed it when I got out the tent, so I shudder to think if I had looked around and seen this staring back at me.
I am never camping again is the morale of that story. So I am happy to be in San Francisco, where there is Ameoba, The Stinking Rose, and no chance my imagination will run away and convince me there is a zombie Gryphon outside the tent waiting to much on my brains.
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