June 29, 2009, 11:36 am
Filed under: CHAFF




Half Marathon Update by Leks
June 28, 2009, 6:52 pm
Filed under: WHEAT


I know I haven’t mentioned anything about this Half Marathon Thang since that initial post so I thought I’d just reassure you all: I AM still doing it. In fact it’s reached that stage where it’s scarily close… only 6 days to go.
I’ve been following a proper “Training Schedule” for the past couple of weeks and I haven’t collapsed or broken anything yet so I’m taking that as a positive sign. I’ve also been spending far too much time perusing websites dedicated to running, well just Runners World really but even that’s enough. My favourite bits are cautionary tales about not eating too much fibre before a race.
The best part of the whole experience so far (and only decent justification for this post) is the free running top I received from the Alzheimer’s Society.


The front isn’t very exciting…

I also wanted to say a massive thank you to any of you that have donated, my total is currently £390, which is more than I could have hoped for. I think the page stays open for up to 3 months after the event. (In case you want evidence that I make it to the end before you donate… a wise move)

Next running blog: AFTER RACE DAY. If I can still move…


Heart Swells: RIP Steven Wells by Gareth
June 25, 2009, 1:18 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

Steven Wells hated us.

Though I scowled and said he was an over the hill idiot when he started slagging us a couple of years ago, I knew, deep down, a lot of it was true. I DID have shit hair and in hindsight my embracing of ‘twee’ was embarrassing, and something I dislike in others now. He hated our band, and I respected him all the more for it. As a middling touring indie band we do a lot of interviews. And though I am always very grateful that people care to speak to us about our band, most of them are mind numbingly boring and repetitive or somebody taking a journalism degree being kooky in an attempt to make a name for themselves within student media. Whenever we’ve passed through Philadelphia, I’ve hoped he’d be in attendance, or would be there to interview us and give us the same treatment he gave B&S in the ’90s. Every time we’ve played in Philly I’ve glanced around the venues looking for some snarling bald man in a corner.

“Sometimes right. Sometimes wrong. Always certain.”

A lot of his final pieces, writing for Philadelphia Weekly were on his battle with cancer, and were as brutally honest and moving as anything I have read on the subject since B S Johnson’s The Unfortunates. Last year, a friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer, and I referred him to some of Swells’ articles, and this inspired him to start documenting his own fight and I believe this was a great comfort to him for a time.

What I say about the man is inconsequential. I never knew or even met him, and there are plenty of accolades from those who did on his final article here. But, basically, there have been a few things that have stood out above others in Los Campesinos!’ short history that have made me think “shit, we’re really doing this”, and one of them was the first time I read Steven Wells ranting against us. That we were on his radar, and that he deemed us worthy of his bile was an honour. I think that says a lot for the man and how well respected he is amongst his peers and music fans.

In October last year, Swells wrote:

“I have seen the future. It’s Garry Bushell being kicked senseless by Gareth from Los Campesinos! forever. So it’s not all bad.”

I promise, if I ever get the chance, for the only good thing I can think of to ever come from Swindon, I will do that. Steven Wells, you will be missed.


June 24, 2009, 5:27 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

Right guys…

On the 26 May 2009, I asked one single, simple favour of you miserable bastards.

In a heartfelt plea I requested you help me become SEXIEST VEGETARIAN IN THE WORLD TWO THOUSAND AND NINE, an accolade that I, doubtless, deserve, by just clicking on a couple of  weblinks; and you useless turds couldn’t even manage that.

As a result, the male heat was won by somebody named ‘Milo Ventimiglia‘. I have no idea who this dick stretcher is, but his name sounds like something on the menu of a Korean branch of Pizza Express, and what sort of example is that?

Research has shown me this bellend is AN ACTOR. So, I ask you, HOW CAN WE EVEN KNOW THAT HE IS ACTUALLY VEGETARIAN AT ALL? It’s his job to pretend to be things he’s not, and you morons have been stupid enough to fall for it. I pity you.

I will certainly think twice before asking any one of you cock munchers to do anything for me again. Rest assured I feel there’s been a bond of trust between us BROKEN and it’s looking pretty irreparable right now.

The female victor was Kellie Pickler, contestant in American Idol 2006. Famously, I am a fan of such talent shows, and think that we’d have gotten on really well when we inevitably met. The picture above of Fido and Kellie meeting at the awards ceremony just doesn’t look right. For a start, Rover‘s head is really small

Here is an artist’s impression (thanks Aleks!) of what it would have looked like if I’d won and had the opportunity to meet the beautiful Kellie:

That’s me carrying her over the threshold into our love nest, after our wedding reception, where we would have dined on soya and broccoli and I would have fought her father and guilt tripped her into veganism AND I WOULD HAVE INVITED EVERY ONE OF YOU FUCKERS!!!

But no. Because of you lot, it’s not to be. Because of you lot I am not working on country duets with my little Kel Kel, and I am not hanging out with Taylor Swift, I am sat here in my bedroom carving a carrot into the shape of a dagger FOR YOU TO STAB ME IN THE BACK AND HEART WITH YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKS!!

2010: do NOT let me down, y’hear?

OH YEH, AND SO… by Gareth
June 24, 2009, 3:12 pm
Filed under: WHEAT

The record is complete.

I think we have a name for it. Maybe. Not sure. Probably.

All bar one of the sixteen pieces of music we have recorded have titles.

On Monday night we had a bit of a bash and drank Champagne and ate Indian food to celebrate. Here are some snaps:

I cannot wait until we can properly TALK ABOUT IT and stuff.

June 24, 2009, 2:26 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

On Friday night I had the absolute pleasure of attending the Britain’s Got Talent Live Tour at it’s stop at Cardiff’s International Arena. As I think I made very clear with my preview of the talent show’s final just a month or so ago, I am a big fan of the program and so to witness it in the flesh was something I was very excited about.

This sentiment was summed up by a young girl I overheard in the interval, whilst I slinked off to the bar. She spoke with her mother and excitedly announced “I can’t believe it. I’ve seen them on the telly, and I listen to their music and now here they are, stood right infront of me, all these famous people”. So I begrdugingly signed an autograph for her and then told her to leave me alone. I was here for leisure, and sure I’ve a lot of fans and I’m grateful, but tonight was a night for me to have fun. Off duty. Still, one small child’s dream come true, and I could empathise, because, one of my earliest memories is, before I could barely speak, singing 2GRAND‘s version of Aladdin‘s ‘A Whole New World’, so to finally have the opportunity to see them perform it In The Flesh was a little overwhelming.

Some Notes and Observations:

  • The show was opened by DJ MOTHERFUCKING TALENT!!

  • Julian Smith is really, really rubbish. Upsets me a little that people are impressed by somebody playing the saxophone. A hundred million people can play the saxophone, some of them really well, but basically, it’s not interesting to watch somebody play the lead melody of some MOR song over a muzak backing track. And essentially, a saxophone just sounds like a quarter of a set of bag pipes. And he’s still the most soppy man alive. Srsly, MTFU before it’s too late and your kids spend a lifetime getting bullied (by me).
  • He also did a duet with Shaun Smith. I nipped out to the bog for this, so don’t remember what they did, but Stephen Mulhern introduced them as ‘The Smiths’ which was obviously a massive LOL. Mulhern was a really good host actually. Find him quite annoying on telly sometimes, but he was great here. Also, I met him when he was a red coat at Butlins. Sure he knew then that I was destined for great things. I wasn’t so sure about him.
  • First half of the show was a bit dull. Could have done with some massive big screens either side of the stage as some of the perfomers were really small and quite difficult to see. Like those two midgets in Diversity. And people basically just did the same performances as they did in the final, which was nice, but without the promise of a ‘nip slip’ from Amanda Holden, a lot less exciting. Shaun Smith did that Kings Of Leon song about “SOMEONE LIKE YOOOOOOU, OHHHH OHHH, OHHH OHHH OHHH”, or whatever, and I swear it was better and more heartfelt than I’ve ever heard them do it.
  • The audience was amazing. Zero pretension. Everybody dressed up. Middle aged women swooning every time a teenage boy came onstage. Dads grunting at eachother in the lavs wearing expressions that tried to express “the missus dragged me here” but more accurately depicted “this is actually alright, innit?”. So many people turn their noses up at this sort of event, but the atmosphere was so friendly, just like when I went to see Hear’say at Birmingham NEC, and y’know, just, friendliness is good.

  • T-Shirts were really cheap, all things considered. Like, twelve quid. Went to see Moz the other month and his were about thirty bucks. Jus’ sayin’. Nice one Cowell.
  • Second half was full of duets and was awesome.
  • Highlights of this: Darth Jackson coming out with a Storm Trooper backing dancers WHO THEN REMOVED THEIR HELMETS TO REVEAL THEY WERE FLAWLESS AND STAVROS MOTHERFUCKING FLATLEY!! This tied with Shaheen Jafargholi coming out and singing the Jackson 5’s ‘I Want You Back’ backed up by Aidan Davis and Mitchell and Perri from Diversity. Awwww, cute.

  • Worst duet: That little shit Hollie Steel singing some opera nonsense, only to be joined by 2GRAND!!! Don’t know why the Generation Spanning Duo would lower themselves to work alongside that stroppy little bitch. I felt she really held them back. Booed her a bit.

  • Subbo didn’t turn up, but she wasn’t missed.
  • Woman Infront Of Me did that thing where you try to sit down but your fold down seat flips up so you fall on the floor. Just when I thought the night couldn’t get any better (y)
  • This Fella at the end of the night, waiting outside the toilets, unable to take in everything he’d just witnessed. True dat mate, true dat:

Lolz in America: Part 1 by Ellen
June 19, 2009, 3:29 pm
Filed under: WHEAT

Here is the first webisode about a few dates from our three week West Coast of America tour with Sky Larkin. It features stunning scenery, shocking action sequences and mind blowing dramatics as well as a bit of swearing. It also features a topless man eating cheesecake.



Ellen x

June 18, 2009, 10:29 pm
Filed under: CHAFF


Credit to our main man P Brown.

Another Bandwagon I Jumped On Too Late by Ellen
June 18, 2009, 3:46 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

I have not inflicted my irreverent ramblings onto this page in a while, and I am sorry for that, it is largely due a disease I have come down with called Twilightitis. It is a rare and troublesome problem which tends to target teenage girls and it has many symptoms, the main affliction being the inability to form coherent thoughts which do not relate to the forbidden love between a klutz and a vampire.



But of course I jest, Twilightitis is neither a real or clever made up disease, instead it is a contagious and stupid obsession with a series of books which has effected my life and the lives of other women I know. Sadly these are intelligent women who have read novels with long words and abstract ideas but somehow they can’t help themselves with the coke like substance that it the absolute twaddle of Stephanie Meyer…

Here are some problems I have with this book, which briefly took, over my life. If you have read the series I would like to hear back how it has effected you and your general existance.


  • Everytime I purchased the next instalment (like the day after finishing the first one), I would find myself in a book shop desperately searching for the the M bit of the teenage fiction section. I could never find it or bring myself to ask the staff to point out the direction in which it lived due to deep and burning all consuming shame. I felt so dirty because deep down I knew it was just pages of inane dialogue, repeated descriptions and a plot threaded together with ideas from other superior books with a underlying unsubtle message of “sex is bad before marriage you naughty teenagers.” Yet somehow I was addicted to Bella and Edward’s stupid love..
  • The whole imprinting thing was a little bit dodgy in places, all these grown werewolf men falling in love with 4 year olds was a bizarre sentiment to write about, seemingly made justifiable because they wouldn’t touch them until they were of age, just act like their over friendly uncle for ten years….  That’s not really better.
  • I found myself joining the facebook group “Twilight give’s me unrealistic expectations of men,” because none of my boyfriends have saved my life a billion times and bought me cars and got me into dartford whilst being able to fly and that.


  • The message of complete obsession with someone in your first relationship when you are 18 is maybe not a good one to give out to teenagers, particularly the whole “we can’t be together, suicide it is!” parts.
  • I thought Bella should have just had sex with Jacob or Mike or all of the other guys that fancied her, they could at least have satisfied her hormonal urges without possibly killing her and she could have spread her wild oats about a tiny bit before deciding to get married at 19….they could have put in a slutty interlude. 
  • I was meant to buy the fact that Edward was a vampire who use to eat people and like a serial killer who knits pictures of kittens, he has the skewed morality to not want to do the naked funky chicken until they were married.
  • Bella spent most of the novels falling over, wanting to kill herself in place of everyone else and gazing at Edward longingly wondering why he would love someone as plain and boring as her.
  • I wondered that too.
  • I Stayed up til four in the morning to get to the sex scene only to discover that in it’s place was a blank space followed by a post-coital waking. In my delirious state I wondered if I had been doing it wrong, or whether he punched her and took advantage.
  • I just wished Bella would die.
  • She should really just have died.
  • In fact they all should have.
  • Why didn’t the other vampires just tell her to fuck off?
  • I found myself wondering if Miss Meyer realised that there are only so many times she could describe Edwards perfectly smooth chizzled white chest, and how he traced Bella’s jawline with kisses or ran his fingers through her hair before she may be repeating herself/satisfying herself.

I know there are others who found it good/good instead of good/bad, as I did, but I hope we can all agree the ending was the biggest cop put in the world, with the whole thing building up to a fight to the death and then…. nothing. Everyone goes home. It’s all cool. Not one unnecessary death in the entire thing? Even one of the twins died in Harry Potter? What about Emmet, he did bugger all! Ok, calmed down. Rant ends. I apologize.


New Moon Trailer



Ellen x

Sorry Mum! by Ollie
June 17, 2009, 9:57 pm
Filed under: CHAFF


I would like to apologise for my appearance in the last two blog posts, so here is a picture of me in lots of clothes…