June 24, 2009, 2:26 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

On Friday night I had the absolute pleasure of attending the Britain’s Got Talent Live Tour at it’s stop at Cardiff’s International Arena. As I think I made very clear with my preview of the talent show’s final just a month or so ago, I am a big fan of the program and so to witness it in the flesh was something I was very excited about.

This sentiment was summed up by a young girl I overheard in the interval, whilst I slinked off to the bar. She spoke with her mother and excitedly announced “I can’t believe it. I’ve seen them on the telly, and I listen to their music and now here they are, stood right infront of me, all these famous people”. So I begrdugingly signed an autograph for her and then told her to leave me alone. I was here for leisure, and sure I’ve a lot of fans and I’m grateful, but tonight was a night for me to have fun. Off duty. Still, one small child’s dream come true, and I could empathise, because, one of my earliest memories is, before I could barely speak, singing 2GRAND‘s version of Aladdin‘s ‘A Whole New World’, so to finally have the opportunity to see them perform it In The Flesh was a little overwhelming.

Some Notes and Observations:

  • The show was opened by DJ MOTHERFUCKING TALENT!!

  • Julian Smith is really, really rubbish. Upsets me a little that people are impressed by somebody playing the saxophone. A hundred million people can play the saxophone, some of them really well, but basically, it’s not interesting to watch somebody play the lead melody of some MOR song over a muzak backing track. And essentially, a saxophone just sounds like a quarter of a set of bag pipes. And he’s still the most soppy man alive. Srsly, MTFU before it’s too late and your kids spend a lifetime getting bullied (by me).
  • He also did a duet with Shaun Smith. I nipped out to the bog for this, so don’t remember what they did, but Stephen Mulhern introduced them as ‘The Smiths’ which was obviously a massive LOL. Mulhern was a really good host actually. Find him quite annoying on telly sometimes, but he was great here. Also, I met him when he was a red coat at Butlins. Sure he knew then that I was destined for great things. I wasn’t so sure about him.
  • First half of the show was a bit dull. Could have done with some massive big screens either side of the stage as some of the perfomers were really small and quite difficult to see. Like those two midgets in Diversity. And people basically just did the same performances as they did in the final, which was nice, but without the promise of a ‘nip slip’ from Amanda Holden, a lot less exciting. Shaun Smith did that Kings Of Leon song about “SOMEONE LIKE YOOOOOOU, OHHHH OHHH, OHHH OHHH OHHH”, or whatever, and I swear it was better and more heartfelt than I’ve ever heard them do it.
  • The audience was amazing. Zero pretension. Everybody dressed up. Middle aged women swooning every time a teenage boy came onstage. Dads grunting at eachother in the lavs wearing expressions that tried to express “the missus dragged me here” but more accurately depicted “this is actually alright, innit?”. So many people turn their noses up at this sort of event, but the atmosphere was so friendly, just like when I went to see Hear’say at Birmingham NEC, and y’know, just, friendliness is good.

  • T-Shirts were really cheap, all things considered. Like, twelve quid. Went to see Moz the other month and his were about thirty bucks. Jus’ sayin’. Nice one Cowell.
  • Second half was full of duets and was awesome.
  • Highlights of this: Darth Jackson coming out with a Storm Trooper backing dancers WHO THEN REMOVED THEIR HELMETS TO REVEAL THEY WERE FLAWLESS AND STAVROS MOTHERFUCKING FLATLEY!! This tied with Shaheen Jafargholi coming out and singing the Jackson 5’s ‘I Want You Back’ backed up by Aidan Davis and Mitchell and Perri from Diversity. Awwww, cute.

  • Worst duet: That little shit Hollie Steel singing some opera nonsense, only to be joined by 2GRAND!!! Don’t know why the Generation Spanning Duo would lower themselves to work alongside that stroppy little bitch. I felt she really held them back. Booed her a bit.

  • Subbo didn’t turn up, but she wasn’t missed.
  • Woman Infront Of Me did that thing where you try to sit down but your fold down seat flips up so you fall on the floor. Just when I thought the night couldn’t get any better (y)
  • This Fella at the end of the night, waiting outside the toilets, unable to take in everything he’d just witnessed. True dat mate, true dat:


10 Comments so far
Leave a comment


Comment by Ellie

Shit me I love you Gareth.

Comment by Colin Roberts


Comment by azzy

A wonderful recounting of your evening. I don’t know most of who you’re talking about, but I was transfixed by the narrative. But, can you post a pic of yourself in the pink bunny ears? I know you got them. Too awesome to pass up.

Comment by Eric

glad you had an intriguing night gareth. shame i missed it.
loved the preview so much.
when you finish up with LC!
like when your old and wrinkly. not that im condoning a break up or encouraging one. EVER.
but if you do.
will you write something like, Gareths Dictionary. Or A newer bible.

Comment by Joshua

Gareth – I love that you would boo a little girl. This is why you are the best anyone ever.

Comment by Laurence

lol – you booed a child?!

I don’t really know any of the others though, glad you had fun

Comment by Daniel

This might be the most LOLZ blog post I have ever read, for realz.

Comment by Yaz

Your 15 minutes of fame in one review, eh? YeahYeahYeah….

Comment by Pablo

LOL, now thats funny. You booed a 4′ 65lb 10 yr old little girl. Didn’t know she was doing opera, thought it was musicals?

Comment by joe culbert

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