June 18, 2009, 10:29 pm
Filed under: CHAFF


Credit to our main man P Brown.

Another Bandwagon I Jumped On Too Late by Ellen
June 18, 2009, 3:46 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

I have not inflicted my irreverent ramblings onto this page in a while, and I am sorry for that, it is largely due a disease I have come down with called Twilightitis. It is a rare and troublesome problem which tends to target teenage girls and it has many symptoms, the main affliction being the inability to form coherent thoughts which do not relate to the forbidden love between a klutz and a vampire.



But of course I jest, Twilightitis is neither a real or clever made up disease, instead it is a contagious and stupid obsession with a series of books which has effected my life and the lives of other women I know. Sadly these are intelligent women who have read novels with long words and abstract ideas but somehow they can’t help themselves with the coke like substance that it the absolute twaddle of Stephanie Meyer…

Here are some problems I have with this book, which briefly took, over my life. If you have read the series I would like to hear back how it has effected you and your general existance.


  • Everytime I purchased the next instalment (like the day after finishing the first one), I would find myself in a book shop desperately searching for the the M bit of the teenage fiction section. I could never find it or bring myself to ask the staff to point out the direction in which it lived due to deep and burning all consuming shame. I felt so dirty because deep down I knew it was just pages of inane dialogue, repeated descriptions and a plot threaded together with ideas from other superior books with a underlying unsubtle message of “sex is bad before marriage you naughty teenagers.” Yet somehow I was addicted to Bella and Edward’s stupid love..
  • The whole imprinting thing was a little bit dodgy in places, all these grown werewolf men falling in love with 4 year olds was a bizarre sentiment to write about, seemingly made justifiable because they wouldn’t touch them until they were of age, just act like their over friendly uncle for ten years….  That’s not really better.
  • I found myself joining the facebook group “Twilight give’s me unrealistic expectations of men,” because none of my boyfriends have saved my life a billion times and bought me cars and got me into dartford whilst being able to fly and that.


  • The message of complete obsession with someone in your first relationship when you are 18 is maybe not a good one to give out to teenagers, particularly the whole “we can’t be together, suicide it is!” parts.
  • I thought Bella should have just had sex with Jacob or Mike or all of the other guys that fancied her, they could at least have satisfied her hormonal urges without possibly killing her and she could have spread her wild oats about a tiny bit before deciding to get married at 19….they could have put in a slutty interlude. 
  • I was meant to buy the fact that Edward was a vampire who use to eat people and like a serial killer who knits pictures of kittens, he has the skewed morality to not want to do the naked funky chicken until they were married.
  • Bella spent most of the novels falling over, wanting to kill herself in place of everyone else and gazing at Edward longingly wondering why he would love someone as plain and boring as her.
  • I wondered that too.
  • I Stayed up til four in the morning to get to the sex scene only to discover that in it’s place was a blank space followed by a post-coital waking. In my delirious state I wondered if I had been doing it wrong, or whether he punched her and took advantage.
  • I just wished Bella would die.
  • She should really just have died.
  • In fact they all should have.
  • Why didn’t the other vampires just tell her to fuck off?
  • I found myself wondering if Miss Meyer realised that there are only so many times she could describe Edwards perfectly smooth chizzled white chest, and how he traced Bella’s jawline with kisses or ran his fingers through her hair before she may be repeating herself/satisfying herself.

I know there are others who found it good/good instead of good/bad, as I did, but I hope we can all agree the ending was the biggest cop put in the world, with the whole thing building up to a fight to the death and then…. nothing. Everyone goes home. It’s all cool. Not one unnecessary death in the entire thing? Even one of the twins died in Harry Potter? What about Emmet, he did bugger all! Ok, calmed down. Rant ends. I apologize.


New Moon Trailer



Ellen x

Sorry Mum! by Ollie
June 17, 2009, 9:57 pm
Filed under: CHAFF


I would like to apologise for my appearance in the last two blog posts, so here is a picture of me in lots of clothes…


June 17, 2009, 8:54 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

In…November, we did a tour with Sky Larkin and Lovvers across Europe. This tour culminated in three highly anticlimactic gigs in Italy, where we played in venues that were far too big for our limited level of fame.  Comewhat the final night, in Milan, tempers were wrought, and myself and Ollie decided the only way to resolve matters was to have a FIST FIGHT TO THE DEATH…in our pants.

Here, in all its pasty fleshed glory is the footage left over. Please do not let the above picture lead you into thinking I was beaten. In the following video I land the last blow which led the fight to be called to an end as the females of LC! squealed at my show of masculinity and general aggresion. Please feel free to compliment myself and Ollie on how hideously attractive and buff we look. All propositions considered.

“Why don’t you all just make out with eachother?”. Good point Ellen, good point.

June 17, 2009, 10:44 am
Filed under: WHEAT

And so we’re now approximately five days from the aural side of this record’s completion (all bar mastering). Last night the very final vocals were completed by myself, Aleks and then the gang. It was slightly weird, as obviously the last song is left to last for a reason. Often it’ll be the song that people are least keen on or perhaps one that we’re not quite sure exactly what direction it should be taken in, but in this case it was because it was one of the songs I near completed vocals for about two months ago, and then forgot about and hadn’t got back into. Then yesterday, with the pressure on, I had a flash of ‘inspiration’ and the song was wrapped up in about 5 minutes. It then received possibly the best reaction from John Goodmanson we’ve ever had. A big “holy shit!” all round.

It’s the second shortest proper ‘song’ on the record and has me doing my best David Gedge impression.

It feels amazing to have all the tracking finally completed and as though the pressure is finally off. Plus, it was a euphoric way to end recording, with a rabble rousing gang chorus sing along. Here are some pictures from the final night’s recording.
This is my optimum recording get-up. Actually, this is my optimum look for doing anything. Expect it to hit a stage near you, soon:

Monnow Valley is probably definitely my favourite place we’ve ever recorded. You can project vintage pornography onto the ceiling while you record:

Ellen was in bed by the time we started on group vocals, so we had to drag her up, pyjamas and all:

Ollie is the best mascot a band could ever wish for. THIS IS HOW CONVINCED WE ARE OF THIS SET OF SONGS:

Yesterday, me and Aleks compared reference points for art for this album and the first picture we showed eachother was of THE SAME THING!! Srsly. And it’s a really quite unusual thing too. Which hopefully is a hint that we’re on the right track. Got to knuckle down to that now. But today, Wichita come to town to listen to the 8 songs that are fully mixed, and then I think to celebrate how INCREDIBLE they think the songs are, we should all go to Pizza Express for tea, because it’s Buy One Get One on a Wednesday if you print off a voucher, and I think the printer is working now and HI MARK, I HOPE YOUR TRAIN IS ON TIME AND EVERYTHING!!

You gotta run, run, run, run, run; Take a drag or two by Leks
June 15, 2009, 6:52 pm
Filed under: WHEAT

Some of you may remember me mentioning some half marathon malarkey about a month ago. Well I have since been reunited with my trusty i-Pod (although devastatingly it’s memory had been wiped so it’s still in a stage of recovery… sob) and this has inspired me to commit to said event. Because as long as I have bangin’ toooooons I’m sure I can make it.

I’ve got just under 3 weeks to get myself up to scratch so I’ll probably have to make the switch from leisurely jogs to proper training from now on. I’m trying to persuade Gareth and Neil to be my training buddies:

Even though I probably would just do it for the lols, I thought I’d also try to raise some money for the Alzheimer’s Society. It’s a cause that means a lot to me after witnessing the distressing effects of Alzheimer’s Disease within my own family. If any of you are interested in sponsoring me, I’ve set up a “justbegging you to donate” page where I talk about it all in a bit more detail here.

If you have any words of advice/ encouragement/ training tips/ your own running experiences to share, that would also be much appreciated…


Leks x weekly listening (week ending June 14th) by Gareth
June 14, 2009, 8:33 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

Spent the week sitting at your computer, listening to music and watching the Cricket?

1. The Housemartins 54
2. Ten in the Swear Jar 31
3. Future of the Left 21
=. Mount Eerie 21
5. The Organ 15
=. Smog 15
7. Xiu Xiu 14
8. Placebo 13
9. Sparky Deathcap 12
10. Hood 11

Some Notes:
2. I often neglect XITSJ, but everytime I listen is an emphatic reminder of Jamie Stewart’s talents even before Xiu Xiu. Should listen to more IBOPA too.
3. For me, the new FOTL record blows Curses out of the water.
3=. Finally got a hold of White Stag. And also relistened to Black Wooden Ceiling Opening again. Prompted by news of the forthcoming Mount Eerie album proper, which according to brief snippets on Amazon, is going to be something really special.
8. Nostalgia. Still know all the words to…everything.

Now you go. What have you been listening to? I’m very excited about the new Mount Eerie record. Are you particularly excited about any forthcoming releases?