Harry Potter and the Half Decent Film by Ellen
July 28, 2009, 2:00 pm
Filed under: CHAFF

So this is quite a pointless review as Harry Potter came out a bit ago so some of you will have already seen advance/normie screenings of it, and my faltering memory from the screening I saw is filled with crevices and cracks where a solid opinion use to be, however we shall endeavor…

I went to the first screening of the film anywhere ever in the world (apart from when it was initially finished and the director and actors might have sat down for some tea/ biscuits and a quick peak.)

My friend got these golden tickets in case he felt the urge to review it for his work and I tagged along, however this did not diminish from my own sense of self importance as I handed in all my electrical goods, received my tattoo transfers and took my squished seat in the packed and slightly smelly cinema. As we waited for an hour and half for everyone to hand in their possessions I invented a magazine in my head to review it for, it was called ” Stuff+Things” and came out four times a day. It’s appeal was the free wham bar or hair scrunchie attached to the front, much like in the innocent days of Bunty and Beano.

Before the film started a nervous and large busted woman came out to introduce the feature, she asked for reviews not to be posted before the red carpet shin dig and informed us we were so bloody special that we were getting an exclusive preview of the “Sherlock Holmes” and “Where the Wild Things Are” trailers as well! (One already available on the internet, the other directed by Guy Ritchie)

Firstly LOL

Secondly: This classic Arthur Conan Doyle character has been transformed into a winking cheeky protagonist with witty one liners who shags around, is a bit naughty, but we love him for it… oh wait it’s Robert Downey Junior in nearly every role ever. I love the man, I do, but is he is as funny as I want to think he is? Also it’s a Guy Ritchie film so it seems to have been filmed in “cockney gangster” vision, with some poetic license. I am assuming he is going to do a Jane Eyre film in which she is dressed in leather with numchucks with the tag line ” They underestimated her, now she is back. For Blood” Then she goes and kills all the nuns at her school before having a epic ten minute battle sequence with the mad wife in the attic.

Where The Wild Things Are looks great, everyone knows this.

Harry Potter. Well… I kind of forgot what happened in this particular book until about ten minutes in, and then I realised it was the stop gap snogging and untimely death book. This was the film in which not a huge amount happened in the book up until the very end where, you know, old beardy goes to the great wizard palace in the sky… with that in mind I found it ultimately a bit (dull).

Don’t get me wrong, the cinematography and effects were swarth, with Yates being one of the better Potter directors in terms of vision, but with no Voldemort and a slow build up to what we all knew was coming it just wasnt that fascinating. Plus it was the book in which the teenagers get it on with each other, which I found a little bit uncomfortable and stilted, it seemed they were trying to make it a bit sexual (with some mince pie feeding) but it was just really cringeworthy, with the actors themselves seeming like they were too firm friends to even pretend they suddenly developed feelings for each other.


Also there were some phallic bits with wands between legs and a guy trying to seduce Hermione by licking chocolate off his fingers… it seemed all the teenage angsty drama (i.e Hermione jealous of Ron) was a odd juxtaposition to the peril danger and peoples houses burning down (which was a bit random in itself), and so it never seemed to quite fit or be anything but a weird distraction. Maybe it’s just really hard to think of the three heroes as having libido’s I don’t know…. or maybe it was because the elements of darkness worked so well, that the light fluffy stuff felt forced. The positive parts of the film are Yate’s willingness to divulge in these darker parts of the book, such as Harry and Draco (who is brilliant) having a particularly gruesome fight, and the quite traumatic Horcrux search BUT there needed to be much much much more of it. Overall it is ok, there is not as much concentration on the Half Blood Prince part as the title would suggest and I can’t remember why it is important when you find out who it is anyway, but there is more of a focus on matters outside of Potter which help develop the plot faster i.e set pieces which hint at Draco’s mission throughout.


The end scene didn’t move me at all as Radcliffe can not really cry/act comfortably with Grint being the only seemingly natural actor out of the three, and once again vital changes from the book to film leave the finale puzzling…. but then again other people may love it, so this is just my limited opinion as someone who thought they took the most boring elements of the book, brought it to screen, missed out the more essential plot strands and made me a bit sleepy. Kemode liked it. I feel us drifting apart.

ellen x


25 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I love the nickname they’ve already given to Guy Ritchie’s take on Holmes:

“Sherlock N’Rolla”

Comment by ciaran

I wish I could say I paid a lot of attention to Harry Potter, but I couldn`t help being drawn to Alan Rickman`s sexy voice, and sexy faces (e.g. just after he kills Dumbledore). And I agree, we need more dark stuff and more sex, frankly. Maybe some boy on boy action involving Lupin and Snape would surprise the biggest Potter-know-it-all. Let`s get Guy Ritchie to direct the last ones!!

Comment by sil

I recall looking through the sixth book with my friends while waiting for the movie. I excitedly looked for all of my favorite parts of the book only to realize how many parts of the book I disliked! During the movie a friend who had not read the book turned to me and asked how much more teen drama the movie would likely have. I said I did not know but she should realize the book had at least 400 pages worth.

Still I do love Snape!

Comment by Laura

I pretty much just spent the whole film wondering whether or not it was okay to be attracted to Luna Lovegood.

That, and laughing at Ginny’s acting.

Comment by Alex

Dya not reckon the scene in the cave with Harry and Dumbledore getting the necklace Horcrux was all a bit Lord of the Ringsish?

Comment by Lois

This was the worst book by far.

Also, anyone else pissed off that in the first book, there is this whole thing about Harry’s hair always growing back to being a bushy mess no matter the circumstances – and yet he always has a new bloody haircut every movie? (tbh, i think all the movies suck, i stan for most of the books though.)

Comment by Samuel

I still haven’t actually got around to seeing it yet cause I figure it’ll be in cinemas longer than most, so I’m trying to catch Moon and The Hurt Locker before they come down.

I also am incredibly psyched for Where the Wild Things Are, been waiting ages for that, the trailer made me feel like I was 6 years old again.

Comment by Nick

Where the Wild Things Are Is going to be great.. I am pretty sure I’m going to be Max for Halloween and make something so The Arcade Fire song Wake Up is playing every bar I walk into.

So I have this theory…
Harry Potter was to come out last year the day as Twilight..
I know the book had lots of teen drama, but does anyone think they upped and pushed it back to fit in more with the twilight kids?

Comment by vanessa

They moved it on account of them already having a lot of money from The Dark Knight.

Comment by ciaran

“I am assuming he is going to do a Jane Eyre film in which she is dressed in leather with numchucks with the tag line ” They underestimated her, now she is back. For Blood” Then she goes and kills all the nuns at her school before having a epic ten minute battle sequence with the mad wife in the attic.”

I’d pay to see such a version of Jane Eyre, I think it was the one book I absolutely hated reading during grade 9. As far as HP goes, I thought it was merely alright. The cinematography was nice, but the whole 2 hours of teen romance interspersed with the occasional 3 minute bit of action to keep the viewers on their toes and not entirely asleep at midnight showings (the whole flaming burrow scene left me wondering wtfbbq was going on) grew old quickly.

I was also displeased with the lack of any sort of Hogwarts battle. It seemed to be a large waste of time to have all those scenes showing how hard Draco was working to get the death eaters into the school only to have them run to the top of the tower, laugh at Dumbledore’s demise, and then frolic their way out of the castle.

Comment by Chris

Im going to see HP tomorrow, hope its good. The Sherlock Holmes movie is something im expecting, considering i loved Rock N Rolla (i think because of the appearence of The Subways).

btw, did you die your hair again Ellen? (now i can keep my theory strong that every colour looks awesome on you)

Comment by Marcos

The quidditch! Was that not awful enough to warrant a mention?

Comment by eric

Going to see HP this week, weekend probably.

Guy Ritchie’s (was he born rich?) take on Sherlock Holmes is….different. But I actually have hopes for it.

P.S: Rock n’Rolla sucked.

Comment by Eru

Eh, I thought RocknRolla was alright, it was fun and silly, kind of a return to form of the first 2 Guy Ritchie films and didn’t quite suck as much as the last bunch he’s put out, but still nothing to write home about.

I expect he’ll do pretty shit on Sherlock Holmes though, just doesn’t look very good at all

Comment by Nick

You work much harder on your blog posts than Gareth, don’t you?

I have known this to be true ever since he fed us a bootleg video of his gay wrestling fantasies with the other male Campesinos! members.

Comment by Kyle from TX

As much as I love Harry Potter I have to say I was disappointed. It focused mainly on teenage love drama and leaving out important things which almost made me forget I was seeing a movie about wizards. They added unnecessary stuff and then cut out things of vital importance. Then they practically skipped over the battle scene and it almost seemed like a joke. I mostly enjoyed the movie because of the comedy and Rupert Grint and Tom Felton’s acting and that’s it basically.

Comment by Victoria

i thought it was a boring film. i enjoyed the books but it just didnt keepmy interest, so i decided to take it on myself to be the twat that the whole cinema hates, ie laughing inappropriately and every time hermione cried making a high pitched AWWWWW noise. At least my friends like me

Comment by dave

I wanted so much to like Bonnie Wright, but she’s a terrible actress 😦

Other than that, I was with this movie until the ending, which made pretty much no sense in the context of the film (gotta fix this cabinet so all these people can come watch but not help, whoops better walk out with no resistance). Also I guess the cool thing for Death Eaters to do is set shit on fire and that’s it? I dunno. At least we got some stellar Quidditch in this one.

Comment by Bradley

Haha, the film was terrible, they left out VITAL things to the plot, and added a whole lot of shit that was pointless. Most of the actors are completely WRONG for the parts, and shit at acting anyway, so aye. And oh god, the romantic stuff made me want to tear out my eyes, it was so cringey.

Comment by Aisling

The bits that were supposed to be funny were lame, and the bits that were supposed to be romantic/serious/dramatic/angsty were hilariously funny for reasons I can’t remember.

Comment by Nicola

There was a little flash of Voldemort, when Harry touched the ring!
I thought it was a bit shallow, and they missed out the best bit of the book where they go back to the memory where Merope is in the house with her dad and brother, and the brother speaks Parseltongue… and she falls in love with Tom Riddle’s pa. I was well looking forward to that, but they cut it out completely, and then added in some really unnecessary crap. I think they got a little bit overexcited with the Quidditch, which, imho, really didn’t need to be in there.

I agree with the person up there who said that they wanted to like Bonnie Wright, ME TOO! Still, her mum and dad make well nice jewellery. She’s still got that.

Verdict – too shallow, but nice to look at, especially in 3D at the imax.

Comment by Ellie

In today’s obesity obsessed times, surely not.
Other than that, I agree with the above^^

Comment by JoeyeoJ

Ginny Weasley just can’t fucking act, the mince pie thing was just embarassing. I love Draco, I wish they’d’ve given him a bit more focus.

It was a good film, but no CoS. 😦

Comment by Olivia

so many good gay jokes between Dumbledore/Slughorn and Harry.
And the whole, “Your shoelace is untied” bit killed me.

Comment by Sam

I always enjoy your reviews ellen

Gain 40lbs and become charlie brooker

Comment by ron

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: