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The Oscars fall between our UK and European Tour which is just perfect timing for me as it means I am available to attend!
Mr Oscar give me an invite!
The cinematographer from “All About Steve” must need a date?!
You could nominate me in the “Best Use of Recently Reinvented Soap Opera Theme Tune in a Tour film” category?! They would have that category if this was like The Grammys.
I’ll become a scientologist if you want?
Fine. I shall stay up all night wearing a frock, sobbing into my sparkling wine and caressing my sisters cut out of R-Patz.
Anyway, here are my predictions for the over long fake and ridiculous ceremony of dreams.
Best Supporting Actress: Pen Cruz has been nominated for her role in Nine which involved her rolling around on the floor splaying her breasts and was hardly a taxing part for such an accomplished actress and whilst Farmiga is good in “Up In The Air” I feel Kendrick is better. However neither has the drama lama on their side, which falls to former star of The Parkers (I loved that show) Mo’Nique.
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz deserves to not only win this Oscars but thump Damon in the face with it whist close lining Plummer, elbowing Tucci in the esophagus and kneeing Harrelson in the testicles.
Best Actress: I didnt like either Julie or Julia and I see this nomination as pointless. Close call between Mulligan and Sidibe though, but Sidibe has the backstory and the skillz and Mulligan only has elf hair.
Best Actor: So many of these films haven’t even come out here yet, DAMM YOU. On hearsay alone im going with Firth, as he is meant to be eye wettingly amazing, however I have a soft spot for Renner who is outstanding in The Hurt Locker and should be in more stuff. Clooney is smug and undeserving and can take his Nespresso and fuck off. Like he doesnt have a coffee minion.
Best Director: Cameron vs Bigelow. Jodi Picoult vs Shakespeare. Robin Vs Batman. You see what I’m saying. But Tarantino should win. He wont though, Daniels will.
Writing: In The Loop got a nod, which is exceptionally great, but a bit of a outsider…this one is hard to judge, I haven’t even seen Precious yet but I have a feeling it will do a grand sweepy, but maybe An Education will sneak in here. Let the British win something other then best visuals for Harry Potter. Again.
Best Picture: Avatar can go fuck itself in Pandora with a giant blue Siquorny Weaver smurf fern gulley, it’s mindless entertaining tosh and THAT’S ALL. I am rooting for the Basterds/ The Locker of Pain and or the unrelenting yet wonderful depressiveness that was Precious and DONT YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE.
Now don’t you even pretend you care about the rest.
And here is a a joyous treat (in some ways) a video from our “Drowned in Sound” Takeover I made. It shows us on our tour adventures with the Cribs over the holiday period. Enjoy.
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